Sunday, June 15, 2008

Is she losing interest in me and our love?



Basically, it is what the title says. I am wondering, is she losing interest in me, in us. She says we are just going through that stage in our relationship where we aren't as excited as we were at the beginning. First off, I think thats a load of crap. If you are in love with someone you don't lose excitement. Yes, things are going to change, I understand that, but after just hitting the four month mark and she can already go without g
iving me a kiss or hug, a peck.. common now. Something, that makes me feel she is still interested in me. She said in class she learned something about communicating without out words, like actions and hand movements and facial expressions. Well I thought it was really interesting so I googled it one day when she was at work. According to the site I was on, she has no interest in what I say, which I could completely tell anyways. I was just hoping that I was wrong. We could be talking and when I talk, she is looking at anything but me. And, she texts constantly, which I mean I understand, I text a lot. But when we are in the middle of a convo and she texts.. rude.. or when she reads all my texts and I cant read hers. She freaks out and deletes them, then lets me look to find nothing. I am pretty paranoid I guess but I feel like I am given reasons to feel this way. And.. She is best friends with her ex, we will call her Sarah? ok. So I am fine with her being "best friends" with her ex who she was very serious with even with my girlfriends friends insisting it is a horrible idea. But she texts her more than anybody. IDK I don't text my ex BF that much. Rarely. I could be acting ridiculous right now but I need to write these things. The other day, another one of her ex's called, which is ok I have met her and like her a lot, but my GF had her on speaker phone and when this girl mentioned Sarah's name she immediately took it off speaker. hiding something, then when she heard it was just that Sarah was made at this girl, my GF put it back on speaker. weird. I also feel like I cannot talk to her about ANYTHING. Seriously, she says she wants to work on things out and grow as a couple, but then again every time she does something that bothers me or hurts me I tell her, in a calm way just letting her know. And her reaction every time is " OK LETS JUST ADD THAT TO THE LIST OF EVERYTHING I CAN'T DO RIGHT WITH YOU. EVERY THING I DO IS WRONG". So I feel like I should just keep everything to myself. ALSO, she ALWAYS brings up I wonder what so and so (MY FRIEND) is doing why don't you call her and see if she wants to hang out? Is she trying to give me a hint to go away and leave her alone? (ps we live together) She says sometimes she needs space, which I understand but I never know what she really wants, I wish she would be honest and straight up with me and tell me what she wants, and when. ALSO sex. OMG after 4 months, she already doesn't pay me attention, she used to tell me I looked sexy or she would ask me to come to bed and basically want me all the time, now I feel like I'm alone in the wanting department, I still want her, I am still crazy in love with her. It all makes me sad sometimes. I'm not trying to make it sound like shes all to blame, just need to vent. Maybe I am just freaking out a little because in a little over a month I am moving to another state and I feel like she is going to break up with me. I don't want that at all but i cannot force something that she doesn't want. We would both be miserable that way. All this was good to get off my chest. If there is anything more I can think of I will add it later. I just want to end this by saying, things have changed with us, I know she loves me and I love her. I plan on being with her in the future. I feel like the future is all up to her. The ball is in her court.

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