I think I'm drowning, can someone lend a hand?

Rough night. Very Very rough night.

I was throwing up from 2am last night until about 2 pm today.

My head has been killing me.

Danielle doesn't want me.

Emily wants my friendship.

They both just want to be friends.

I feel like I have put a lot of effort in the past for both.

And for what?

Nothing

Whats new??

UGH.

And not just that.
School is kind of stressing me out.

Its coming to the end of the semester.

one week left.

I really miss Danielle.

She makes me smile.

Emily just makes me cry.

We have our moments where we have fun like the old days. Like screaming crap out at the Jewel concert thing.
"YEEEAAA YEAYEA YEAYEA!"

haha okay only Emily will understand that one.

HA.

But I mean its like 10% good times with Em and 90% bad.

Danielle until her accident.. literally was like 95% great times and 5% not, which were prob.. all because of me. And the Drama that was in my life.

But I really feel like I am done with the drama.
I'm not going to drink for a while. I need to give it a rest.

It was mostly a substitute for other things.

It started with..

"hurting myself" then I would smoke so I wouldn't do that anymore, and I don't want to smoke, I think it is disgusting, and then it led to me drinking more, out of control drinking. I have a problem. No Joke. This isn't me. I don't want to be that drunk girl. So. I have to change something. NO drinking. No Smoking. No.. u know. But its hard to not do any of these things when I don't have anyone stable in my life to make me happy. I'm not saying AT ALL that I NEED someone else, because I don't I am FINE alone. But having someone makes everything so much easier and happier.

I just feel like I don't have anyone.
No family (close by and I have really shut my mom out of my life, she get upset about it but idk I just can't talk to her about anything anymore. I use to tell her EVERYTHING I have the person I am now. It better get better or I mise well not even be living.

No Girlfriend or Boyfriend.

No body who cares about me.

No best friends (anymore, the ones I have are basically shut out)

I get so upset and stressed out.. I can't handle it all alone, esp when I don't have anyone there for me.

I am fine on my own. Its just like.. I had to transfer schools, and I never established good friendships with anyone on my new team. And I never get to see my old teammates. I don't have interests in hanging out with any of the football players at UGA anymore and before I met Emily that's all I hung out with. Old teammates, Football players and throwers (which are Ems teammates) Then I met Emily and made amazing friends who now want nothing to do with me.

So. What am I left with?

I became closer to Matt, who is amazing. And I met Danielle who has been amazing to me the past two months. Really, IDK whens that last time I was treated like she treats me and makes me feel. I mean until a few things recently, but none of that would have happened if it wasn't for me.

UGH.

My life is spiraling downwards.

I need to gain control again.